_edited.png)
Storytelling is not trauma dumping.
- Yvonne Armenta
- Jul 10
- 5 min read
When we hear the phrase, “everyone has a story to share,” or when we sit down to think about what story we want to bring to the stage, our minds almost always go to an extreme.
Maybe we feel like we have to dig up our deepest, darkest secrets, or recount the exact things that have caused us the most immense harm in life. We think vulnerability means we have to shine the light on those moments to be impactful.
Pero, storytelling se trata de mucho mas. Algo mas grande.
Storytelling isn’t about sharing moments in time for the sake of sharing. It’s about expressing how and why life changes. It’s about preserving something deeply important to you and your community. At its core, storytelling is about sharing a piece of wisdom that, when shared with intention, has the actual power to change an entire generation. Or simply, remind us of our shared humanity.
You know that already. We grew up hearing the stories of our abuelitas.
(Note: when I reference abuelitas it includes everyone that came before you. I may reference my abuelita, but who was that person for you?)
Our culturas remain so strong within us through the stories our elders share.
The conversations, the early mornings & late nights over a cup of cafecito de olla.
The art of storytelling is something we grow up with and it helps us hold on to the beautiful parts of our families & cultures. While our abuelita's stories are not in textbooks or her methods of communication aren’t often studied or praised in the art of public speaking, they live within us and the power with which they were told, is a direct connection to our own power as storytellers.
A moment of reflection:
What did you notice about how and when your abuelita chose to share a story? What was the reason it came up in the first place?
Your answer is the beginning of us reconnecting with what we know to be true about storytelling: stories meet the moment, they ground us in our past, and help us see the future.
So how do we stop feeling like we have to over-expose ourselves, and instead pivot to storytelling that connects us, teaches us, grounds us?
It starts with learning how to speak from our lived experience AND consider the impacts of sharing our story.
Before we move forward.
"Trauma dumping occurs when an individual shares their traumatic experiences without the recipient’s consent, often at inappropriate times or places. This act can place undue emotional pressure on someone who may not be prepared or able to process such intense information. Typically, trauma dumping does not involve a mutual exchange or support but rather an overwhelming one-sided outpouring of personal distress."
"It can be done by constantly talking about a traumatic experience or by deliberately reliving it through reenactment. Trauma dumping can have negative consequences for the individual doing the dumping and for anyone on the receiving end (Source: Talkspace)."
Note: I'm not saying to limit your authenticity, but I am saying to consider the outcomes of sharing your story.
What's the moral of the story?
I've sat in rooms where the speaker shares some pretty traumatic parts of their lives (with zero trigger warning), all to say, "If I can do it, you can do it too". And to be honest, that line never hits the way we think it does (my opinion). That's not the moral of the story or the lesson learned. It's simply a statement that positions the speaker as someone who has achieved something that the audience may not have, yet.
"If I can do it, you can do it too" is different than a story that says "I've lived through this and this is what I learned. This is why it matters today."
How to Share Our Story Ethically
I’m not always the best at sharing my own story. I know, sort of wild considering my entire life revolves around sharing "my story" on stage.
But here’s what I learned about myself and why it’s hard for me to tell "my story". First of all, where do I even start?! The phrase "your story" holds a silent pressure to include everything that means anything to you. I am many stories. We all are. And because, still, our stories are not represented across stages when we get the opportunity to share we want to include it all. We can see it as a chance to finally share our perspective; to preserve our stories.
Second, it too often feels like telling my story, my real story, requires me to expose those closest to me. It feels like my story requires for me to be vulnerable (which I am okay with because I know the power it holds) and in turn means that I am putting someone else in a vulnerable position.
I grew up low income raised by a single mom. That means a lot of things to me. There are so many stories that I can share about my childhood & the many struggles that we went through as a family, that until this day, I carry with me. They’ve left a permanent mark.
But what does it mean for my mom that I share those stories? Might it make her feel bad? Or feel exposed? Might it shine the light on a moment in HER life that she would rather not talk about or have put out in the public eye? That stuff is very important to me.
I always ask myself WHY am I telling this story. To what end?
Am I really driving home a message or am I attempting to gain someone’s sympathy or empathy? Do I want to sell them on an idea? A service?
We are storytellers. It's what we do, its what connects us.
Our brains literally attach a story to everything we see. Stories calm our amygdala, a small, almond-shaped structure in the brain that's part of the limbic system and is involved in processing emotions, motivation, and memories.
But, how can we be intentional and ethical in our storytelling?
5 Points of Ethical Storytelling
Intentionality is key.
What's the lesson? If my abuelita was telling this story, does it feel like wisdom or does it feel like a list of things that happened to me in my life?
Do no harm.
Who is involved in this story? And how will they be impacted if I share this?
Consent matters
Do I have permission from people to share a part of their story (even when it's also my story)? Is my audience ready to hear this part of my story? Have they agreed to it?
Be real about the potential risks
List out the reason to tell this story. List out reasons to not tell it.
Connect your storytelling with your values.
Some of the best stories I've heard, remind us of our values. They help us remember, experience new feelings, and aim to make the world a better place for everyone (as cheesy as that may sound).
As you navigate telling your story, think about how and why you're telling your story.
Who is involved and have they agreed to being involved.
How can we continue to find that balance?
Stay connected to our Latina, Presente community & subscribe to our newsletter for updates on upcoming programming, events, and future cohorts.
Gracias,
Yvonne, Founder of Latina, Presente
Looking to bring a public speaking experience or training to your organization, community, or teams?
Let's connect: yvonne@chatswithyvonne.com
Comments