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How to “Connect”: An Introvert's Guide for Networking ... Like and Introvert
Yup, we're actually pretty good at it.
by Yvonne Armenta, Founder of Latina, Presente
Networking has always felt like such a drag. Especially, as an introverted first gen latina.
You likely have assumptions about what that means for me sitting at the intersections of those identities. I have my own assumptions about why networking feels less like real connection and more like a game of “how many interactions can I have today”.
But, my 4th/5th grade teacher Ms. Obregon once told me “to assume is to make an ass out of you and me”, so to be clear, here are some of my reasons:
Networking events always happen after work or on the weekends. That’s cutting into “me-time”.
The “ice breakers” are always so awkward.
There’s not enough other programming or activities on-site besides the talking part of it all. I need some time to get comfortable in the space (but not look or feel awkward) and then go into the social part. Hence, why I spend a good 5-10 min in the bathroom or acting like I have an important call to take care of while I scope out the space.
I could go on… In fact, reach out if you'd like my insight for making your events more introvert-friendly. It's a win-win for everyone.
But above all else? THE PRESSURE. The pressure of …
Being introverted and living in a world that rewards extroversion.
If you make your voice heard, often, faster, and louder, you’re more likely to get an opportunity. And not always because “the world” is purposefully excluding you, but because we’ve internalized an assumption that quiet (even just for 5 minutes) means that there isn’t anything to say; no commitment to "connection" and the networking of it all.
So, what do I do? Exert energy that is already depleted because I am afraid that my introversion will communicate to people that I don’t want to get to know them.
Being a first gen Latina with a pressure to succeed (whatever that means).
All while being the first to ever do it like this, in this room, in this language, with this access to opportunities. It feels like there’s 1) so much to prove and 2) endless opportunities I need to take advantage of and say yes to all. If I show up “like this” and not “like that” what are they going to assume about me? I have to be great, phenomenal even, at what I do and communicate that well.
So, what happens? I perform. And not the good kind of performance where you’re intentionally showcasing your skill, art, or perspective. The kind of performance that depletes your energy and makes you feel like you have to be “more like that” and “less like this” to be worthy of the position you’re in.
No wonder “networking” feels like a drag.
But what if, the “new secret” to networking is taking a page or two from the life of an introvert.
If our ultimate goal is connection. I think introverts know a thing or two about that.
How to “Connect”: An Introvert's Guide for Networking
I created this to make the networking experience more enjoyable, more about connection, and more introvert-friendly. Because even if the world hasn’t fully caught up to our “quieter” brilliance, we do indeed deserve to feel comfortable enough to say something out loud, a nuestra manera.
For some context, Introverts may…
Seek less stimulation
Recharge & Reflect in Quiet
Think Before Speaking
Value 1:1 Friendships
Favor independence
Avoid: center of attention (doesn’t mean they can’t take the spotlight and do it well)
Value deep experience and conversations
So, let's take some of that and create the conditions, preparation, and practice we need to connect (aka network).
Prepare Conversation Starters
I know, this one sounds like the opposite of true connection. Connection is about active listening, but as introverts, we need time to think before we just jump into things that matter to us. This is actually a way for us to get the initial conversation over with and "warm up".
Two examples:
Wear a bold color, cool shoes, or accessories (you’ll always get a compliment and that can be your ice breaker)
Have "easy" questions prepared. Not your elevator pitch, but questions. Something like, “How did you hear about the event?” "What did you think of the last speaker?"
These are general questions, but the more specific you can make it to what's happening in the room and why people are there, the better. It takes away the pressure when you're prepared with a few questions that you can ask anyone.
Identify Your Preferred Outcomes
You don’t have to connect with everyone in the room. What if you could speak to 1 to 2 people, intentionally?
And focus on your preferred outcomes:
a new job
a career pivot
connecting with community
practice being social
Get as specific as possible here. This guides the direction of your conversations and takes the pressure off of speaking to as many people as possible and taking their business cards (yeah, I still like those), and, then, never following up because your energy is so depleted that by the time you're ready, you feel like you're starting all over, and then it's too late. (Am I projecting here? lol)
Ask Better Questions
Introverts love when the spotlight is not on them. So, that means we ask the best questions. You mean I can simply listen?! Sign me up.
But, we also ask questions with the intention to listen and find the connection. Once we find that connection, we can keep the conversation going. That's how you make lasting connections that move beyond the room.
Get to know the person. You’ll become more engaged and comfortable in reacting to what they say, a lot more naturally; in your true essence.
Ask open-ended questions (how, why)
Listen actively (don’t plan your next sentence)
Share a small relatable “challenge”
It’s also a great way to make your conversation more memorable when it's time for the follow-up.
Make Friends Before-Hand
This one is simple, but effective. You know when you were the new kid in school, you felt a little timid, but once you had one friend, you started to make even more friends because you felt comfortable?
Same concept. Reach out via LinkedIn or social platforms to connect with people you know are already attending. It’s like a warm-up.
Take Breaks When You Need Them
Energy management is a full-time job. "Networking" can feel like that, too. It’s okay to step away for a bit and get a minute of alone time. Make these moment intentional, though. Try to do something that replenishes that social battery. And, don't spend too much time out there.
Stay connected to our Latina, Presente community & subscribe to our newsletter for updates on upcoming programming, events, and future cohorts.
If you’re looking for a facilitated networking experience or “how to network like an introvert” with an emphasis on connection, I’d love to chat and help bring it to life for your community.
This is perfect for cohorts, team's, and large conference breakout sessions.
Let's connect: yvonne@chatswithyvonne.com
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